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Okay for those of my friends that have wondered where I have been (thanks Chloe). I was diagnosed the end of July with CML, a type of leukemia and have been fighting fatigue from the cancer and medication that I am on. They are trying me on a new medication and hopefully that will help. I know that if they get this figured out and I get my life back I will have a new determination to lose weight I realize now what a toll this weight is taking on everything I do and wonder if things would have turned out different if I had been smaller before now…. I hope to see my energy and my weight ticker moving very soon

Okay I am setting a goal right now my brother comes home in October …… If I lose 2 pounds a week until then I will have lost over 40 pounds. So my goal is to have lost 40 pounds by October. How will I do it ? I am going to “force” myself to walk at least a half an hour 5 days a week, and eat 3 meals a day not just 2, no more skipping breakfast >:(  and I will also watch what I am eating no more junk but most importantly I am going to pick myself up and keep going when I have a slip up not just say oops I blew it and keep going down the wrong path. I have some friends at work that are going to help me stick to this since the hubby is not very good at this part he likes to make me happy and he thinks that cake and candy and sweets do that wish he would just get me flowers but he doesnt get it when I tell him but I am hoping he will understand more as things progress

So it has been awhile since I posted any blog so I thought I would ask how everyone is doing?

So I got on the scale this morning not expecting to have lost because well that is how things have been going for me. But I have lost woohooo not a lot but it is a start in the right direction maybe the whole not drinking soda thing just needed a little more time to work than i was giving it but I have been off soda for just over a month now and the weather is getting warmer so me and my little guy(dog) got out and walked around the block yesterday it wasnt very far but a step in the right direction.

So I have to say that as time goes on it gets easier and easier to not even want to drink a soda I feel healthier and seem to have more energy since I quiet unfortunatley the weight loss hasn’t come with it, I just need to find the time to work out and so far I have not managed to drag my butt off the couch I always seem to make excuses and I must say I am pretty convincing on reasons that I don’t have time or energy or some other BS reason I think I need to start a journal about what my excuse for the day is so I can realize at the time that I am just making an excuse because until I really think about it I don’t realize I am self sabotageing…… My brother is going to be home this weekend and I am looking forward to it but t the same time not because I have gained 50 pounds since he was home last and he was so proud of me when I had lost my weight with weight watchers and I don’t want to see the disapointment when he sees me this time

Okay so this no soda thing is getting easier!! Today we went out to eat and I got iced tea but hubby got soda, he is not doing so well with the whole no soda thing LOL. I still get cravings for soda like when we were at the restaurant and everyone was drinking soda or at work when I hear someone crack open a can of soda that little pshh noise it makes when you first open the can…… I think that is the biggest trigger for wanting a soda. But the good news is I feel better health wise already without it so I don’t plan on giving in to the urge. We have some new veggies in the house to snack on and I have learned that I enjoy avacodo on my sandwiches not to much though or the flavor covers the meat lol still learning on that one.

Okay so last night I drank the last soda I plan on drinking and that includes when I go out to eat that is my first small step or maybe that is a big one I don’t know yet! Okay now onto to big steps… Holy cow I just did the biggest loser cardio LEVEL 1 and feel like I got ran over by a truck. Apparently I need to do this more often because there are 2 more levels to move up on this dvd LOL ! I just have to remember that I didn’t put this weight on in a day so it isn’t going to come off in a day either. I went to the farmers market yesterday and picked up some fresh veggies and have them cut up in  my fridge so if I get hungry they are ready to eat and I can’t use the excuse that I don’t feel like cutting them up ( I know lame excuse) but I really did use that excuse before.

Okay so I made some not so good food choices tonight and my body told me all about it!!!

I had broasted chicken (apparently broasted means fried I thought it meant baked) a baked potato and some broccoli popper( I knew those were a bad choice )

I finished dinner at the restaurant and got outside only to start feeling sick to my stomach. I then started a fight to keep this food down since I just got done paying for it. I thought for sure I was going to lose dinner right there on the curb…. I managed to keep it down not sure maybe I should have let it fly might have served me right for eating stuff I know I shouldn’t eat.  UGH…

So I know that running a high quality gym can be expensive but holy cow a 150.00 registration fee that is crazy. Guess I will have to wait a few more weeks to join then I am going to get a family membership so I can go with my hubby I am ready to be at a gym working out and losing this weight, I have been doing stuff at home but I also think that I will be better off at the gym because I will know that I am paying for it so I will want to make it worth my while. That and they have different classes that I can go to to make things more interesting. Guess I have to tighten my purse strings so that I can get there quicker!!!

So I was just wondering is it normal to get really sick when you start to lose weight because this seems to happen to me EVERY time I start to lose weight. I end up so sick but this time I am only letting it get me down for today I have told my husband that if I am not feeling better tomorrow I am still going to do my workout, I have to keep myself moving in order to lose this weight and I am tired of my body self sabotaging